Let us remember that saying "Pantine" instead of "Pantin" does not feminize anything: on the other hand, it only just allows the French pronunciation to be modeled on the English one. So much servility towards the colon honors Mr. Pantine's bitterness, who deserves a medal. When one has the spirit of servitude so deeply rooted in one's body, it inspires respect. Besides, the whims of political ecology are fascinating: one time, it's repainting statues that don't belong to them; then it's eborrow money from a cult; now it is rename cities to make them more inclusive by adding an "e" at the end. From Juan les Pins to Noirmoutiers, there is concern – but each time, the measure is enthusiastically welcomed by the population.
So, let's take this concept to its conclusion: here are some spelling rules that will finally allow French, and also the French way, to be more inclusive. And to start, let's not waste any more time with the nonsense of the old days. What matters is parity. Because it is not enough to make the feminine condition visible, it is also necessary to make it equal to the masculine and impose this equality even in the morphology of the language.
In words
From now on, let no French statement be equal: a sentence must contain as many masculine words as feminine words! Come on, let's jump. We will therefore take care not to make sentences that are exclusively masculine ("Ciao Pantin") or exclusively feminine ("Chattehaute Pantine"), but we will take care to alternate the two with caution and respect. Obviously, the exercise quickly shows its limits because the language does not have a lexical stock in equal proportion for one or the other gender.1, the result of a creeping patriarchy that we can't get rid of. Well, no matter, we'll have to be creative. And how do you be creative in French? By putting "e"s at the end of words, in order to better feminize sentences, as Pantine's bitterness proved.
So if I take a male sentence like "Ciao Pantin", I should hybridize it either by feminizing "Ciao" which if necessary will become "Ciaote" with the addition of an epenthetic "t" sound, or by feminizing "Pantine" so that I will henceforth choose to say "Ciaote Pantin" OR "Ciao Pantine" so that the rule of spelling parity is respected.
From this principle comes a simple rule, which is that any word can be feminine as soon as I add an "e" to it, a feminine marker. Un foulon, une foulonne; un accon, une acconne; un non, une nonne; un matron, une patronne; un canon, une canonne; mon tonton, ma tontone; un loup, une loupe; un coup; une coupe etc. and so on and so forth, and more creative ones.
The converse of this principle is obviously that we must absolutely re-categorize all words ending in an "e" as feminine. We will no longer say "un poète, but une poète", just as we will say "une garage, une hêtre, une chêne, une frêne, une tourniquette, une mâle, une téléphone…". What to do with the "é"? Well, it's "e" with a bar: we must therefore feminize them like the others. "Une cassé, une balai (it's like an "é", we're not going to bother), une sonnet". And again, we will add a final "e" at the end of all feminine words that do not have an "e" marker of the feminine: thus, we will write "conneclusionne" in harmony with the etymology of la motte, "blénne", "ma tatae" etc.
NB: all pejorative or demeaning words, on the other hand, will all be masculinized so as not to make the problems visible. We will no longer say "une conne", but "un con" (oh, that was already the case?) nor "une sotte" but un "sot". We will therefore say that "ce fille est un sot" for example.
Thus equipped with simple rules, we see how easy it is to enforce parity and finally get rid of masculine phrases – which is the real objective of this proposal (but don't say it):
I wanted to drink it and eat it so when I entered the restaurant I ordered a plate of pasta with tomato sauce (feminine statement)
I wanted to drink it and eat it so when I entered the restaurant I ordered a plate of pasta with tomato sauce (parity statement)
The good thing about the joint statement is that it leaves a little room for reactionaries who will be able to indulge in their old spelling obsession every other word!
In the letters
It is also possible to apply parity in letters. It is not said enough, but letters – consonants or vowels – are gendered. The I is masculine, the o feminine, that goes without saying, which is why we have always said "la o" as in the sentence:
He climbed the "o"
As we always said “the I” as in the sentence:
The I boute and the owl are friends like pigs
It goes without saying that all letters are likely to adopt the gender of their choice. However, I would recommend a classification that integrates these two characteristics inherited from the time of the creation of letters. We will therefore start with "la o", "le p", "la q", "le r". Thus, the word "loi" has one feminine grapheme (o) and two masculine graphemes (le i, le l). The word "loi" is not equal, so it will be necessary to add an equitable "e", either at the end "loie" or at the beginning in order to suggest the preeminence of the feminine which prevails over the masculine: "eloi". The article "la" being equitable, even neutral, we will still add a final "e" to it in order to signify its gender which agrees with the word it defines: "lae eloi este justie" is an absolutely perfect equal statement. Generally speaking, and to make life easier, we will add "i"s to words that are too feminine and "o"s to words that are too masculine to equalize everything.
Conclusion
Here we are equipped with the means to make all the sets of parity statements that are finally respectful of the truly good rules of moral and civic conduct. The statement of parity spelling rules would finally allow us to make the feminine gender visible in the same way as the masculine gender. Parity spelling is the future!